Words vs Action......Death or Life

If we love others through words alone we will eventually run out of things to say thus rendering our love hollow and meaningless. However, if we love with our lives we not only serve as an example of a life changed but a life fulfilling it's purpose.

Yes....EVEN in Hot Yoga

        So on Sunday our incredible Young Adults family came together and put on a service for the church that was both fun and impacting. We are so proud of them and their willingness to stretch the limits when Jesus tells them to. My wife Jo gave a heartfelt message on the veil of the temple and how its tearing was also symbolic of Jesus' "tearing" to make a way for us. The end result of the message (besides leaking eyes and one proud Hubby) was the realization that God isn't "found" in a building. If you have truly given your life to Him, He is IN you and WITH you AT ALL TIMES. It is something so profound if we can only grasp it! Little did we know how soon we would be tested in this.
Yesterday, the day after the service, we decided to go to Hot Yoga in Federal Way. We did it a few times before with some friends of ours and it was an incredible workout. For those who do not know what Hot Yoga is allow me to explain. Ahem...Hell on earth. It is a room that is well over 100 degrees (on purpose) and basically you do yoga stretches for 60 min. Now before you judge me as a "wuss" let me also say that the last time I was in the class the Detroit Piston point guard Rodney Stuckey was in there too. We chatted for a second and he admitted it was harder than anything he's done before. This is a professional athlete! Even the Seattle Seahawks do this and have a tough time.....and considering their record the last few years maaaaybe more time on the practice field and less time in the yoga studio? lol You were thinking it too.           
              Anyway, back to the story. We went to see if we could do this 10 for 10 special ($10 for 10 sessions) they had going on. This is the same special we did a year ago and were hoping we could just do it again since it had been so long. To try and make a long story short, we found out just before we got in line that the special was a one time thing. Bummer. So then the thought came to our heads,"Why not just pay in cash? They have our names on the computer but if we pay in cash they'll never know!" So we got in line. Waited. Waited. When we got to the front of the line the yoga dude says the words...."Hi, welcome. Is this your first ime here?" Instantly I felt it. I could tell Jo did too. 10 free hot yoga classes ooooor WILLINGLY hurt God and make ourselves hypocrites literally one day after leading a church service themed around Jesus always being in us. How pathetic right? ONE DAY!?! What a sad truth to admit but we struggled with being honest 24 hours later.
But, I'm happy to say,  we were honest. Jo looked back at the man after a slight pause and said,"No actually....we've been here before. A long time ago but we've been here before." I'd love to tell you that the guy just gave us a free pass and we walked into the yoga room praising God. Nope, we had to pay for the class. But we went into that class knowing that we made Jesus smile because we listened to Him over ourselves. Oh I'm sure we'll stumble in the future at times. Afterall, we are human. But in a life filled with little battles we won this one. Even though that cashier/yoga dude probably will never know the little battle that took place before him, the important thing is we did. And more importantly Jesus was right in the middle of it all.

Seperation Anxiety

So today our puppy Dexter (1 year old Pug/Rat Terrier/ Chihuahua) is getting fixed. He will now have to wear that little cone/lampshade thing on his head to keep him from pulling out the stitches.....really? A lampshade? In this day and age THAT is the best we can do? I mean don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next person but, and I'm sure the male audience would agree, this little guy has been through enough! He already suffered from seperation anxiety and now he's been permanently seperated from his....manhood. These are the moments when you come home from a loooong day at the office ready to collapse, throw your coat on the rack, and think, "how could this day have been any worse?" It's then you notice the puppy with the cone/lampshade on his head.

Monday

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places...aaand Mondays(a).

(a)Jeremy Gibbons translation :)

So what about today?

             No, this has nothing to do with former American Idol constestants :) Recently my wife and I have been discussing how we can get out of the house on time in the morning. Setting alarms earlier didn't work because the snooze button has a way of being SO attractive at 6am. And that's another thing. Why is it we think an extra five minutes is going to do ANYTHING but make us five minutes later getting out the door? You close your eyes and BAM there goes the alarm again! Ahem....anyway I digress lol Basically it all came down to motivation. And what was that motivation? Coffee. It does nothing for me but for Jo (Erin) it's the difference maker between choosing to hit that snooze or hit the shower. So, now we have found ourselves getting out of the door right on time.
            Now, like I mentioned before, coffee does nothing for me. I am not a fan of  the stuff and cannot understand how people can love something so much yet spend so much time and money making it taste like anything BUT coffee!!! I am personally thankful for having fully functional taste buds (which I am convinced coffee drinkers have long since given up)....just sayin' ;)  So when we pull up to Starbucks or Havalottajava or whatever, I typically just get a little breakfast sandwich because I figure, "Hey, I'm here. Why not?" But as I've been talking more and more about having a servant heart at our weekly gatherings it hit me. Shouldn't I be taking the opportunity to show love to others wherever I am? Even in the drive thru at Starbucks? So now I get my wife a coffee every morning AND whatever the person behind me has ordered. I never know who they are or what they ordered (eek) but I pray that just that little "blessing" lifts them up enough to see their day differently.
           To be completely honest, I do this for a totally selfish reason. I need my focus to be on loving and serving others. This is just one way I force myself to think of someone else and to not be able to get any notoriety from them. No, we are not rich or even well off. Some might say that it's because we're bad Christians who won't except the blessings from God. While comments like that send me on an emotional rollercoaster between being ticked at such an ignorant and off focus view of our purpose on earth, most of the time I find myself just feeling sorry for them. We will only sacrifice that which we do not serve. If we truly serve and love Jesus everything else is His to use as He sees fit. But if we love and serve money we will sacrifice everything else to hold onto it.
            So what about you? What about today? How will you serve or show love to someone? Do they need to deserve it? I would challenge us to bless someone today who DOES NOT deserve it ;) That bad waitress maybe? Whoever it is try to get away without being noticed or thanked even. In this way we are finding out how to live by the two greatest commandments....."LOVE GOD. LOVE PEOPLE."

Random wonderings part 1

              I wonder if anyone else finds it strange when we take up a large portion of "service time" to discuss a churches finances. Isn't that more of a leadership "private meeting" sort of thing? I realize that people like to be filled in on how the church is spending the money that comes in and I respect that. In fact, I believe the church should be EXTREMELY trasparent about where and how the funds are being distributed. There just seems to be an awkward feeling floating around the room during these times, and maybe it's just me, but I'm thinking there has got to be a better way. What are the guests and those who invited the guests feeling? What about the person who just decided to check this place out randomly? Do we stop to take into consideration who our audience is each week or do we get so used to what we do that we just assume we're addressing a room full of christians? And not just christians but the "same ol'" christians to whom the financial/facility issues are important. Is placing a sheet in the bulletins not enough? Maybe an in depth spot on the website for those who are interested?

             It seems to me that people are coming to or being invited to a church gathering because they have a need or a desire to be there, whatever that may be. But I don't think that desire or need is to hear about the state of one particular churches financial situation in great length. And doesn't it seem to come across as a guilt trip? Kind of a "Tithe more or else" vibe? You may ask, "Is that even biblical?" Well, it depends on what you mean by "biblical." Is it in the bible? Yes. So technically it's "biblical" in that sense. Is it a command for the NT church? No. Should we give? Yes. Generously? YES! By all means! But not because of an obligation or old law but simply because we are commanded by God to be generous WHEREVER and to WHOMEVER He tells us to. Not legalistically to one church building.
            So back to the finacial dilemma. Questions we must ask ourselves: Did the church get itself into a risky situation? Was it following a business model more than a biblical model? Is it the fault of the congregation or the leadership or both? Does it matter? I try thinking about the group that meets in our home. We've had some new people join us recently and I feel as though those few hours I have with them are too important to waste on matters like fundage. I don't know.....just thinking out loud.....and then typing it lol.....but hey thats what blogs are for right? To just BLAAAH all over a page :) G'Day

Seasons

I wrote this in the spring of 2009 as I was coming out of one of the worst moments of my life. I'm posting this again because I believe that God has and is continuing to use my story to reach people. Feel free to share this with anyone you know dealing with depression. Most of all pray for them and LISTEN to them.


       Just a heads up, this is long but I hope it will bring encouragement to someone out there. Here goes. So, this has been probably the most painful, heartbreaking, and darkest, yet AMAZING 3 months of my life. Without going into anymore detail, all I can say is that God has become more real to me now than ever before. Funny huh? Like He stops being real at certain times? Of course not, but it feels like that sometimes doesnt it? I know that I am not the only one in the world who's felt this. I've always been one of those guys who HAS TO have all the answers when it comes to God. Ive never liked the "blanket theories" or been satisfied with the "just believe" answers. I'll be honest with you, I started getting angry with "the church" because these were the type of answers I seemed to keep getting when I asked the hard questions that were important to me. People would tell me there are "just some questions that dont have answers so you're gonna have to just believe....." or they would just smile and shrug as if my questions didnt matter! That drove me crazy (almost literally).

   These questions kept eating away at me and yet no one could point me in the right direction. It was the piling up of these unanswered questions on top of a 50 hr work week plus leading the FGA ministry, songwriting, school, leading worship at my church and being a newly wed, that the weight of life became too much. This led to my breakdown. I had a HUGE panic attack at work and my body physically and mentally shut down. I spiraled downward into a type of deep depression and later found out I had what was known as Dysthymia. Now I found myself in the "blame game" with God. How could He allow this if He truly loved me? I had never hurt so badly while at the same time feeling so numb. Those of you who have dealt with depression know exactly what I mean. It feels like no ones REALLY gets it, like they expect you to just snap out of it and quit moping around, right? I know this because that is exactly what I used to think about people who were depressed. However, now going through it I see that there are no words that fully explain how hopeless and alone one can feel. So if you are reading this and are going through a dark or depressed time in your life as well at least know this: I understand, at least to the extent one can. And if you dont yet, you will see (more imporantly) that God understands.
       
          Now some might say,"Why wouldnt you say God understands first?" I said this the way I did because at the darkest times I didnt think He understood at all. All the "God talk" bounced off me. People would toss out things like "oh, ya Ive been there....that sucks, Ill pray for you"....which was very irritating. Anyway, I did and said a lot of things that I wished I could take back. I found myself suspicious of peoples motives when they tried to console me and wondered if anyone would EVER be able to forgive me or understand the depth of my pain. It was finally my dad who was able to get through to me. I knew he didn't have any agenda other than to help me because he loved me. Instead of trying to force 12 step programs on me or hitting me over the head with verses he had a different approach. He listened. We went on walks everyday at 9am and he let me vent without interruption. Sometimes thats all we need is to be heard. Yet, even though I now had an outlet for my anger I still was lacking the answer to my biggest question..."God where are You?" You see, I had to be completely broken. Ive heard about being "broken" over and over before but never really experienced it. If you're sitting there thinking "I think Ive been broken..." chances are you havent been, because you WILL know when it happens. I started seeing through unexplainable events that God was working. He was using my broken life to heal others all around me and ways that only He could do. And that was great, dont get me wrong, but I kept thinkin',"What about me? What about MY pain? Dont you have time to fix me too?"

         If you're like me chances are you've asked God at some point in your life to do something that would show you without a doubt He is there. I didnt care if anyone else saw it the same way, I needed it for me, in the dark place I was in. And you know what? He began to show me how He was working! Im realizing each day that God is bigger than the word 'big.' In fact all of our "creature words" fall short of even describing what He's "kind of" like. He didnt follow me to the bottom of the depression, He was waiting there for me. Thats how BIG God is. I am seeing God in a new way that causes my heart to long for Him in a new way as well. What I want you to hear out of all of this is that there is hope and there will always be hope. No matter how dark or hard it gets the tunnel always has a light, it's just that if we dont see it it's probably because we're facing the wrong way. Im not writing this to try to tell you how great or weird I am. Truth is without the love of my family and friends I dont know how far away I'd be. I was broken for the first time in my life but now I am on my way to being stronger than ever before. My worship is deeper, my ego is smaller and my heart for others is big enough to break. I want to encourage you to never give up and to let God do whatever He needs to do no matter how painful it is. You'll be better for it. Finally, I want you to know there IS hope. But wait didn't you just say that? Yes, and again, if you're like me you probably let that go in one ear and out the other the first time. I needed to hear it over and over and over until I finally started to believe it. God promises "He will never leave us...", so cling to that. I know how hard it can be but the hope is in the light at the end of the tunnel and the healing is in the walking toward it. Keep walking.